TikiBlog 12/2003

Monday, December 29, 2003 17:31 EST
Palm Tree Charlie's

Well, we did the drive up to Palm Tree Charlie's on Saturday. As always, a late start (10:30 AM), and with post-Xmas traffic running at an all time high since nobody wants to fly (compliments to Tom Ridge), it took 5½ hours each way as opposed to the more usual 4. Now for the $20,000 question: Was it worth the effort for the scant 40 minutes we spent in Gainesville? The answer - Oh Yes!

This place is something else. Many people have seen Palm Tree Charlie's stuff on eBay, where his palm trunk carvings go for anything from a hundred bucks and upwards. What people don't get is the sense of place that can only happen when you get there and see what Charlie and his partner are up to!

As I arrived in Gainesville, I called Charlie per his request, and told him where I was so he could go out and open his gate. As I drove up the hill, I knew I was in the right place when I started seeing tiki's by the roadside - I knew I had arrived as I entered the gate, and was completely enveloped in a jungle of palms, cycads, taro, and other exotics that couldn't have looked more at home in the jungles of Bora Bora.

I met Charlie as I got out, a soft spoken guy, a bit younger than I'd expected and after our initial introductions, we went out to look at some of the tiki's on the property. He explained that he and his partner started carving tiki's about 30 years ago for fun, and now it's become something of a vocation, although their primary business is still dealing in tropical plants - especially palm trees.

Palm Tree Charlie

After having a look at some of the outdoor tikis that have been on his property for more than 20 years, he led us into the jungle and down a steep hillside terraced with railroad ties to make a rough stairway, and as we emerged from the foliage at the bottom of the hill, we saw it for the first time - the temple of the gods! Stacked row upon row I beheld a veritable temple of tiki; tiki's of every size shape and description fill an area roughly 30 feet by 30 feet, and outside, still more palm trunks lie waiting to be metamorphosed into works of high tiki art.

The Workshop

Sawdust, like the dust of the ages, lies upon everything as if this were a sacred place that has not been disturbed in centuries - but the presence of hand and air tools belie the outward appearances and we began to see this as the craftsman's lair - a no less sacred place than the temples themselves; for is it not here that the gods inspire the hands of man to create their images from the raw materials of nature?

At each new turn we discovered strange and fierce entities and were overwhelmed by a pure sense of primitive fury that pervades the entire area. Christina was at once delighted and horrified by the scowling faces and grimaces of these pagan idols as she explored the workshop, and reveled in the miracle of sawdust filling her shoes to overflowing.

Abducted by Tikis

At last, we selected our own idols, a matched pair suitable for the entryway to our own shrine, and an additional tiki specially carved to accommodate a mailbox. With great effort, we managed to manhandle them up the hill and after some major rearranging, into the van. This latter effort caused Christina no small amount of anxiety, because for a short time it looked like it was a choice between her and the tikis ... and she knows what a close call that might be!

Anyway, that was about it - short and sweet, well worth the time and effort. Next time I go, I will arrange to be there a while, and maybe I can get some better photos, and perhaps even a few of the artisan at work ... that'd be awesome! In the meantime, I'd encourage everyone to visit their website at:

http://www.palmtreecharlie.com/default.htm

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Friday, December 26, 2003 12:53 EST
Mai-Kai Redux

Well, Christmas Eve is gone, as is Christmas, and I'm still basking in the afterglow of Monday which outshone Christmas itself by some fair margin. Still, Christmas was good to me - on the tiki related side, I got a Munktiki Poison mug (finally), as well as a Princess Pua, a Rongorongo, a Super Tiki Deluxe, and an Exotica. I also got a Hawaiice Ice Shaver for the bar. Not like you need shaved ice for a lot of drinks, but it can be used to great effect in some of the really lightweight drinks.

We're supposed to be going up to Gainesville tomorrow to take a look at Palm Tree Charlie's tiki carvings, and to pick up a couple of his longer poles and a tiki mailbox holder. Should be interesting. It's about a 5 hour drive up and another 5 back, which should just about give me time to listen to all of the CD's I've got backed up on and haven't been able to listen to yet.

Anyway, we got home late last night, and I decided to try to put some of the video's from Joelle's camera onto web pages just to see how it would look. It came out fairly nice, but I can't recommend it unless you're on high bandwidth since the files are about 5 MB each. Anyway, if you get a chance to check it out, drop me a line and let me know what you think of my performance!

Trader Dave Goes Native - Part 1
Trader Dave Goes Native - Part 2

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Tuesday, December 23, 2003 12:38 EST
An Extraordinary Night at the Mai-Kai

How does one begin to describe a night of superlatives? This was an absolutely phenomenal night with some amazing people, at what I am convinced is the most incredible fine dining and entertainment venue in America today!

Joelle and I can only thank Basement Kahuna of Tiki Central for extending the invite to join him and his wife, along with Pablus and his wife for an evening that will be remembered for a very long time to come!

From our place to the Mai-Kai is only about 15 to 30 minutes depending on traffic; we were set to meet up with Dave (Basement Kahuna) at about 6:00 and we actually made it out of the house in plenty of time - good news since I tend to stress out about being late (particularly where drinks are involved). I put on The Blue Hawaiians Live at the Lava Lounge and was in just the right frame of mind by the time we arrived. Just inside The Molokai Lounge, we met Dave and his wife. We sat in back near the window next to the waterfall, and kicked off the evening with some of the exceptional libations that make The Molokai Lounge a living Tiki Legend. Ahhhh! The Mai-Kai Mai-Tai, just a tad too sweet but always a treat!

Just before Paul (Pablus) and his wife arrived, Dave presented an absolutely awesome sign to Kern of the Mai-Kai - there is no way a photo can do justice to this sign. Between this and several of the other pieces that Dave brought down with him I was completely blown away. As I said in my post on TC, Dave, you are one of the real lost-souls of this world; a 21'st Century man with the soul of a 19'th Century Maori Craftsman. People can say what they like, but it takes a helluva lot more than mere "talent" to produce the kind of stuff that you do! May the spirit of Tiki dwell with you forever.

This is what I'm talking about ...
Take a look at this traditional weapon - and I do mean weapon (no not the sarong clad girl)! This thing is spectacular - and the edge is sharp enough that you could quite literally take someone's head off with a good swing. Imagine our lovely wive's concern later in the evening after a few drinks, as Dave and Paul wandered thru the crowds at the Mai-Kai weilding this fiercesome weapon. One false move, and we could've made CNN!

Click on the image on the left to get an idea of what I'm talking about when I say that Dave has the soul of a Maori craftsman. I've seen a lot of repro's and knockoffs in my time, both the good and the bad. I've also seen a lot of "hand carved" touristy trash that passes as the original article on eBay and elsewhere.

I can tell you with absolute certainty that you will not find this attention to detail unless the individual producing it is a true craftsman whose hands are guided by soul and spirit. Dave, my hat's off to you!

With the party together, we went in for dinner seating, and got the perfect table, center section in front of the stage. Paul had brought two bottles of special vintage Mai-Kai import label wine down with him from Tampa - one of which he presented to Kern, and the other generously set aside for our dinner! Paul - you are Bacchus incarnate! I was thinking this was a Margeaux, but Paul has kindly corrected me on the vintage - a 1959 Paulliac!

So what does this mean you ask? It means that the drinking of this wine is a once in a lifetime experience - this is not just a drink - this is an event. The wine touches your lips, rolls across the tongue and palate, and you are transported! As the wine breathes after having been in the bottle for 40+ years, the complexities of the flavor modify and surprise you with each new sip, and then, like the sun setting over the volcanic peaks of a warm tropical South Seas island, your glass is empty, and you are left only with the memory. If ever I come upon hard times in my life, as can happen to anyone, these are the moments that will sustain and rejuvinate me!

Bordering on experiental overload - we still have the Peking Duck, and the Dinner Show. I've already sung the praises of the Mai-Kai Peking Duck elsewhere in this blog, so I won't attempt to extol it's virtues again here. Suffice to say that nowhere will you find a more succulent and delicious entrée! Dave, who is fully half my size, consumed almost an entire duck solo! To put it in his words, if the feet had been present he'd have eaten them as well!

The new Dinner Show at the Mai-Kai is, as I said the first evening I saw it, something else! In the several years I've been going, I have never seen a show with such energy and such beautiful costumes. Mireille has really outdone herself with this year's show, and I know everyone appreciates the vision and the obvious hard work that has gone into making this a world-class production!

Now, a bit about me (like you care). I don't dance. Well, maybe if I'm really, really, REALLY, drunk, I might get up and wobble around a bit, but you could hardly call that dancing. Having an ill defined sense of propriety, combined with a total lack of self consciousness, it isn't like I'm actually embarrassed to make a fool of myself in front of people - hell take a look at the photo I posted on TC. Sincerely, I'd have no problem playing the trumpet voluntary in front of 1000 people stark naked while standing in a tub of jello (I've done worse). But I don't dance.

So, guess who get's picked to go on stage and do the hula with Grandma? Yup, you probably got it ... that would be me. So, on the whole, looking like more like a bear with hives than a Polynesian dancer, I gave it my best shot. My partner - Grandma if you will (wow!) - made it almost painless and the kiss and lei she gave me at the end made it all worthwhile. I said lei - with an 'i' at the end.

At last, it was time to start winding down the evening, so we took a stroll through the Tiki Gardens outside to suck in as much of the ambience as we could (it was during this stroll that the weapon was wielded to great effect, mostly by Paul). At one point, Paul and I debated the possibility of diving off the bridge into the pond, but eventually sanity prevailed, and we decided that we'd have to ask permission before leaping in - next time around we'll check with Kern and see if we can pull that one off! We did manage a couple of nice pics, shortly before an unseasonal downpour sent everyone back into the Molokai Lounge.

By this hour, Monday night, the Molokai was ours alone! Back at the last table, we watched the tropical downpour coming over the waterfall and tiki's outside. The Tiki Gods themselves celebrating the evening along with us ... short of a trip out to Papeete or Port Moresby you just don't get much closer to the ideal of the South Seas than this.

We sat for awhile enjoying smalltalk among new found friends, and basked in the glory of South Florida's own little slice of Paradise, while watching Paul consume superhuman quantities of rum with no apparent ill effect. Sadly, all evenings must come to an end, and it was sometime shortly after midnight that we said our final farewells, and started homeward - just as the rain slowed to a sprinkle and the stars came out again.

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Sunday, December 21, 2003 20:27 EST
A New Mai-Tai, and the Mai-Kai Mara Amu

Let's see; I already posted some of the variations I've attempted in searching for the ultimate Mai-Tai (meaning that they weren't actually Mai-Tai's at all), and gave details on a couple that I liked. The general recipe I'm using is as follows:

2 oz. fresh squeezed lime juice
2 oz. Meyers Dark Rum
1 oz. Bacardi Gold Rum
1 oz. Hiram Walker Orange Curacao
½ oz. Torani Orgeat Syrup
dash of Angostura Bitters
Crushed Ice

Put ingredients into a shaker with ice, shake until shaker frosts, pour into a Tiki Glass, garnish with a sprig of mint and a cherry and pineapple wedge on an umbrella.

I've tried several different rums replacing the dark and gold rums variously, but find the Meyers and Bacardi to be the most consistently good tasting mix so far. At least until yesterday and today. I replaced the Meyers with St. James Martinique rum and the drink tastes great - but completely different from what I've come to feel is the ideal Mai-Tai. The flavor is more tannin and smoke than before, but it lost the molasses that you get with the Meyers. I'm thinking I should cut the Bacardi and use the Meyers with the St. James instead. It'll be interesting to see what difference it makes - if I do this, I think I'll try 1½ oz. each of the Meyers and the St. James to even out the flavor. I'll let you know.

My wife didn't like the Mai-Tai with the St. James; she requested a Mara Amu, one of the signature drinks of the Mai-Kai - the one where you get to keep the mug. Fortunately, they have the recipe online, and I had all the ingredients here at the house. I made it based on their recipe, and the many, many (many) Mara Amu's that I've consumed down the years. Believe it or not, it came out very close to the genuine article over at the Mai-Kai! Hooray! Here is what I did

½ oz. fresh squeezed lime juice
¾ oz. fresh squeezed grapefruit juice
¾ oz. fresh squeezed orange juice
¾ oz. Passion Fruit Syrup
½ oz. Bacardi Light Rum
½ oz. Meyers Dark Rum
½ oz. Ron Botran Anejo Rum
Crushed Ice

Put ingredients into a shaker with ice, shake until shaker frosts, pour into a Tiki Glass, garnish with a Pineapple and Lime wedge.

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Saturday, December 20, 2003 3:44 PM
The Cannibal Isles, Jack London, and Modern Fiji

I just got my February Fortean Times, and the first article titled "Cannibal Apology" relates the story of a Fijian tribe apologising for killing and (predictably) eating a Missionary back in 1867. From the tribes perspective, they believe they have been living under a curse since the incident, and that in atoning for the dinner, the curse will be lifted. After reading the article which remarks upon some of the societal problems these people face, it sounds like they need more government assistance than curse lifting, but I guess it's up to them to decide what works best.

I found several links to the story online by searching Google with "Thomas Baker" "Fiji". Here's one link to the story on BBC.

BBC - Eaten missionary's family get apology

In fact, this real-life incident was big news back in England, and was sensationalized to the point that author Jack London memorialized it in a short story titled The Whale Tooth, that was later incorporated into his South Sea Tales. Like Melville and Ballantyne before him, Jack London had a flair for telling tales of adventure. While most people are familiar with Jack London's tales of Arctic Adventure Call of the Wild and White Fang, fewer are aware that he was equally well acquainted with travel in the Pacific and South Seas regions, writing both fictional tales and nonfiction memoirs and editorials about Hawaii and the South Pacific.

In 1913, London published The Cruise of the Snark, an autobiographical memoir of his 1907-09 voyage across the Pacific, with most emphasis upon Hawaii. The work is well worth the time it takes to read, and is available online at U.C. Berkeley:

The Cruise of the Snark

As I've stated elsewhere in the blog, when I read I prefer the feel of paper in my hands. However, I commend Project Gutenberg for the tremendous work they have done, and continue to do in bringing fine literary works to a much wider audience. For those who would like to read Jack London's South Sea Tales online - or download it for themselves, I've included links to some of his works that are here on my site below.

Read South Sea Tales (text version)
Download South Sea Tales (.zip version)

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Friday, December 19, 2003 6:13 PM
Mele Kalikimaka ... workin' on a mood here

Well, it's tough when you're under the weather to get into the holiday season, but I slept in today and since I've been up I've been playing some of my favorite Christmas tunes trying to get myself motivated for the holiday. In a minute or two, I'm considering another infusion of vitamin C via my favorite vehicle - the Mai-Tai. I just got two bottles of St. James Martinique rum in the mail today (Merry Christmas to ME), and I'm considering how it'll taste if I replace the Meyers with the St. James. I got the Extra Old 84 proof, and the Hors d'Age at 86 proof. The Hors d'Age is a richer amber, so I'm thinking it'll be more flavorful, but I'm not sure. At least I haven't lost my sense of taste yet although I suspect it's coming.

Right now I'm chilling listening to the Capitol Ultra Lounge Christmas Cocktails Volume 1 and Nancy Wilson is singing "What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?". Hmmmm ... well Nancy, I'll be having a blast at the Mai-Kai with my family as we ring in 2004 to the sounds of a frenzied Polynesian stage show! I got my confirmation in the mail today, and I'm debating the menu trying to decide whether to go for the lobster or the duck. They don't have Peking Duck for New Years, and while the Papaya Duck is great, I don't know if it's really better than the lobster. Everyone should have such tough decisions right? :)

I worked on the Scrapbook again today, and got some more good pictures in. Of note is some of the stuff on the Kaiser Dome, which is depicted in one of the postcards. The liner notes for Arthur Lyman's Taboo speak highly of the acoustics in the dome, and go into some detail about the dome itself. This is really nice. Too bad it's gone - it seems like it should have been preserved because of the history surrounding the dome, but I guess 40 years doesn't really mean much in the grand scheme of history - particularly when there are multi-million high-rise hotels to be built.

I got my the CyberTiki site statistics today, and I was really happy to see that folks are actually visiting the scrapbook. I hope you like it; once it's done (it'll be awhile yet), I'll start putting the next one in. I know some of the graphics are big, and like I said yesterday, if anyone has suggestions on a package that'll let me compress the images and retain a fairly good quality, please let me know, so I can squeeze them down a bit.

Anyhow, that's about it for today since my energy levels are low as I fight off the cold. Thanks for visiting, and Mele Kalikimaka to all!

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Thursday, December 18, 2003 7:02 PM
NEWS FLASH - Mai-Tai Cures the Common Cold!

- ahem - Well, not exactly, but after about three you stop caring that you're sick, so it's almost the same thing. Predictably, it's my vacation, Christmas is just around the corner, and I'm coming down with something. So, I just mixed up a Mai-Tai with Extase, took a couple of pills, and put on the On the Rocks Part 1 and Part 2 albums ... trust me, I'll be feeling just fine in about 30 minutes or so :) Now, I know these albums aren't to everyone's taste (not least of whom is my wife), but before you write off the albums I'd like to indicate that you will miss some absolutely stunning tracks if you don't give these a fair chance.

Of course, it isn't like I'm incapable of leading you totally astray, but consider the following tracks ... Volume 1, Incense and Peppermints/A Beautiful Morning by none other than Martin Denny; Mighty Quinn (Quinn the Eskimo) by the incomparable Julie London; and a bonus track, The Age of Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In by Henry Jerome. Volume 2, Everyday People by Peggy Lee, and - you can't miss this one - These Boots are Made for Walkin' by Mrs. Miller (I laughed 'till I hurt the first time I heard it)! Finally, this album has a great rendition of Sugar Sugar by Kurt Russel. My time ... my music!

Just to let everyone know, I revised several of the pages for the first online scrapbook today, and think I finally have a format going that will look really nice; even if the images do eat up a lot more space than is probably necessary. I'd love to squeeze them down, but my image editing software is somewhat antiquated, and I'm in serious need of suggestions on what might be a good tool for image editing. I use the OLD Micrographics Picture Publisher, which is just barely Windows capable - but it is a tool that I know how to use and like. If ANYONE has a suggestion PLEASE drop me a line to let me know what might be the best tool to use today. Mahalo!

Also, I spent some time, and put on a new group of books about Hawaii - I have most of these, and can highly recommend the history titles. I also put the Capitol Ultra Lounge Series online in my Music store ... this is absolutely one of my favorite sets, and if you don't have them, you should! I'm not saying this to get you to buy them so I get a commission - really, if you don't have this set BUY IT - go directly to Amazon.com and BUY!

Last but not least I would like to thank the generous soul who made the first purchase thru CyberTiki.com!!!! You pre-ordered the book Beyond the Coral Sea by Michael Moran. Trust me - you won't regret your purchase! I love this book; I have an older Hardbound edition, and folks, let me tell you this is the real deal - if you want to journey to Terra Incognita, this is the one! I can't tell you the hours of pleasure I've had reading and re-reading this one. I actually have enough frequent flyer miles to get me to Papua New Guinea, and if I can convince The Lovely Joëlle (my wife) to go there, I may make it yet!

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Wednesday, December 17, 2003 6:44 PM
Why Tiki?
- or -
The Paradise on Earth that Never Was

I call it the ongoing quest for Tiki-consciousness. You probably call it something else, but I'm willing to bet that we're looking for the same thing; and trust me we're not alone! We follow a grand and glorious procession of humanity who, looking upon the world around them, have chosen the path of escapism - and the reasons aren't hard to discover ...

My day was one of those one's where you are certain by 5:00 that there is something seriously wrong with the planetary alignments. Murphy's Law has truly exerted itself above and beyond the call of duty. The actual events aren't what matter here - what really matters is my interpretation of those events, and my responses to them. If I were an utter dolt I think I'd have a relatively simple life with very few cares. I firmly believe the old adage that 'ignorance is bliss' is true - it's only when you start trying to figure things out that the headache sets in!

And so, typically, those of us with active minds and imaginations begin (at a very early age) to cope with the world around us. One of the most common coping tactics for individuals of average to above-average intelligence is escapism. This can be something as simple as burying one's self in a good book, or as elaborate as adoption of an alternative lifestyle.

So "Why Tiki" you ask? That one is a little more difficult, but a few things are evident. First, many, if not most Westerners, whose roots are in the Judeo-Christian culture have the concept of Paradise Lost firmly ingrained in the psyche. Yep. That's right, the whole snake and being tossed out of the Garden thing. We all know the story ... life was good, no cares, free beer, along comes some hot babe breakin' all the rules, next thing you know, you're pulling double overtime just to feed the kids and make the bills.

The bottom line is that an ideal of a simple culture and an Earthly Paradise have long been parts of our accepted world view. In the Great Age of Discovery, Europeans were exploring a world and finding places that, outwardly at least (please remember this point since I'll get back to it), resembled that idealized vision of the Earthly Paradise. Imagine yourself landing on a lush green shore, the blue sky melting into a deep blue sea, the gentle lapping of the waves against the sands ... suddenly you hear a rustling in the bushes and before you have time to draw your weapon - out walk three women - completely naked! To make matters even better, once you get to know them ... they think you're a God! Today, sadly, we know all too well the tragic results of these meetings.

Now the first interesting bit. Many of those early explorers were just like you and me. That's right! Read a couple of journals and first-hand accounts. They were tired of their "civilized" lives, they disliked their employers, the cities were crowded and dirty, the winters were cold, and many of the later explorers had heard "stories". Mysterious lands where summer reigned and beautiful women were free for the taking ... Paradise on Earth, right? Well, for some maybe, but not for most. As I've already mentioned, by the midpoint of the colonial era human exploitation and maladies brought to this "paradise" by the European newcomers had put the health and longevity of native inhabitants on many of the islands in serious jeopardy. Add to this the incalculable damage done by the introduction of Christianity by the well meaning Missionaries, and you have an extremely sad state of affairs. Gauguin, who fled his native France for Polynesia, actually attempted suicide after arriving in Polynesia; one must ask if perhaps things in Paradise were not so good as he might have imagined.

Now for the second, and to my mind, the even more interesting bit. The concept of this Earthly Paradise, first in the Caribbean and later in the Pacific was a wholly European view. How the native inhabitants of these regions viewed their world has seldom been investigated deeply enough to provide accurate insights into their world view. Interestingly, when we look at what we know of the histories of Polynesia and the Pacific region, we find an oral tradition that recounts centuries of tribal and familial warfare interspersed with periods of migration and discovery ... the Polynesian diaspora, the colonization of the Hawaiian Islands. I can't help but wonder, as they paddled and sailed across the vast open stretches of the Pacific Ocean, if these men too sought an Earthly Paradise far from the world they had known, free of the cares and troubles of every day life.

Perhaps it is something that lies within each of us as human beings regardless of our origin or culture, this insatiable longing for an escape from the 'here and now' into something new and different. We cherish our stability, but we long for change; an inexplicable and insolvable conflict that may be the single most important defining charisteristic of humanity. For my part, I'll turn up the volume on the Exotica! album, take another sip of Mai-Tai, close my eyes, lie back on my faux leopardskin pillow, and dream once more of that tropical paradise where the living and the women are easy.

Maritime Discoveries - abbreviated histories from Seven Oceans Video & Digital Media:

The 15th Century
The 16th Century

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Tuesday, December 16, 2003 9:04 PM
CyberTiki Logo, Beer, and Martinique Rum

More Xmas shopping today. Beer. It's so basic you really have to think about it. I'm trying to understand how it is that I live in one of the 50 largest metropolitan centers in the US and still can't find anyplace with a decent selection of imported beers. Simple huh? Also, I live in the state in closest proximity to the Caribbean, and can't find Martinique rum. I think there's a place in Missouri where I can order it. Go figure.

I redesigned the CyberTiki logo - again - today. I think I'll get it where I want it pretty soon. Anyway, goodnite to all and Merry Christmas!

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Monday, December 15, 2003 5:12 PM
The Blue Hawaiian's and OK,
so things work betterr before my third Mai-Tai ...

Today is the first day of my Xmas vacation ... meaning what??? Only Al Rosner of our Massachusetts office actually gets out of work on his vacation because his wife is a travel agent and books trips to Tierra del Fuego or Outer Mongolia. The rest of us are still in the mix.

I actually took a cruise down to Jamaica and Mexico a while back and spent more time on the ship-to-shore phone than I did in the casino. Sad huh? Anyway, like I said before NO WHINING! Vacation means I can start drinking earlier in the day as long as I still take responsibility for my comments when I tell the sales-weenies to f***-off.

If you don't want to give me a blistering $3.00 in commission for buying the albums thru CyberTiki, then buy thru Amazon.com directly.

Whatever the case, you don't want to be without these awesome tunes for your next party or bender! These are a must for the serious Tiki-phile!

I don't know who plays the trumpet on some of the tracks, but let me tell you, I played for a full season with the Greater Miami Symphonic Band, and this guy is INCREDIBLE!!! The Album "Savage Night" track 10 - "Trouble Bay" is unbelievable! Don't miss this by any means - this is the true soul of Tiki!

So, it's only taken me 'till 7:37 PM to get this part of the post to work, so clearly I am in need of Mai-Tai #5 ... cheers and good-night all!!!

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Sunday, December 14, 2003 10:44 PM
My Shipwreck!

I mentioned that I actually had a shipwreck at one point, and that I'd write about it farther on ... well, I suppose this is as good a time as any for it. Seeing that the boat name was VIKING (this was the name when I bought it and I didn't change it), if this were one of the great Icelandic sagas it would sound something like this:

There was a man named David who was young in years but bold in heart and having a love of the sea he determined to live, himself and his wife, upon the waves. Being a poor man, he bought a small ship that had much damage and through the sweat of his brow and many great labors he made her a seaworthy vessel . He lived upon the ship for many days and at one time decided that the weather being fair that he would sail from the great city of Boston to the Isle of Nantucket going himself first across Cape Cod Bay and then to the outside of the Cape where the sea was oft unpredictable and had claimed many a brave seafaring man. The tide being right and the night being clear, the venture was set upon by night and midway across Cape Cod Bay a storm arose and tossed his small vessel upon the waves. Up one great wave and down another he steered his ship making always into the rough seas with all sails furled save a small storm jib. At dawn, the ship and crew arrived safe in the harbor of Provencetown to the amazement of those on the shore. Many bold ships much larger than the small vessel sailed by David had succumbed to the seas and some were indeed lost.

The vessel was sound but had taken some small damage from the seas, so these were repaired, and next David set out upon the open Atlantic keeping well clear of the shore. Currents run fast and dangerous in this part of the sea, and the wise man sails clear from the shore. In the heat of the day, David gave tiller to his bold wife to steer the vessel on the open sea, and retired himself to rest since he had spent much energy on the storm. When next he woke, he espied land much too close, and told his wife to heave off of shore or risk being lost. She gave him the tiller and he felt not the sea on the tiller that lay loose in his hands. Checking the rudder, he found that there had been damage to the rudder in the great storm that had gone unseen, and now the rudder was fractured, and would not steer the ship.

Woe to the sailor who treads these waters lightly for soon a current began to pull the small ship into dangerous waters and it was on the shoals off Chatham that the poor vessel first struck ground as evening fell. The night was long as wave after wave pushed the ship further and further onto the shoals and bars - first lifting the vessel up then throwing it down onto the hard sand as the tide roared across the bar. Eight hours or more the vessel rode upon the banks first upright then crashing down upon the sandy shallows. Much damage was being done to the vessel and David knew that soon the tiny ship should break apart in the seas. David's wife and crew begged to abandon the ship, but knowing the sea in this part David resolved to stay with the ship until it should sunder into pieces.

As dawn broke, the ship lay helpless on the dry shoals only a bare two yards from the safety of a clear channel. Only then was the ship abandoned, and David and the crew rowed to the safe haven of the further shore. It was many days and cost much gold to repair the broken vessel, but David was a determined man and he eventually returned to his home on the waves, a wiser and more cautious sailor than he had been before.

True story. There's no way I can make you feel what it's like to be on the open sea at night washing up and down like that listening to your boat slowly coming apart. Because of the location, Chatham Bar, there was little the Coast Guard could do and we were told to stay with the boat (or the biggest chunk of it) for as long as possible. We were lucky, but many ships are not so lucky. I used to support Greenpeace, but after they attempted to ram and sink a whaling vessel on the open sea, I stopped giving money. I still support their goals, but the thought of a man - any man - whaler or no, being on a vessel that goes down in the open sea is just too much for me after this experience.

Aside from this, I actually managed to redo the logo for the site today - let me know what you think - and also (almost) finished my Xmas shopping. I got myself a couple of gifts while we were out including a new shaker from Brookstones that I like, and best of all, a bottle of Planters Gold, Pyrat XO Reserve. Just for special occasions mind you. Like now :) Anyhow, that's it for today, hope you like the story of my shipwreck and pics of me and my boat.

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Sunday, December 14, 2003 12:45 AM
Vintage Hawaiian Scrapbook Online!

A couple of notes only since it's late and I'm tired ... I managed to get a first-draft of one of my vintage Hawaiian Scrapbooks online - take a look and let me know what you think! I worked on this pretty much all day, and the results for the time spent aren't too bad on the whole.

Next, I bought the movie Whale Rider recommended by a friend from England who knows my interest in Tikis and the South Pacific. I'll let everyone know what I think after I watch it.

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Friday, December 12, 2003 9:41 PM
Mai-Kai Tonight!

Between the "going to Dallas" thing, and stuff at work getting me down, I realized that I REALLY needed a lift today. As a result, first thing this morning I made reservations for the 7:00 PM Dinner Show at the Mai-Kai. I dressed in one of my favorite Aloha shirts (number 37 I think), and left the house at a quarter to five, and pulled into Florida's little slice of Paradise at a quarter after (normally it's only about 15 minutes, but traffic was bad today).

Dinner was, as always, perfect ... starting with the a PuPu Platter and Shanghai Chicken, and proceeding on to a luscious Peking Duck for Christina and I, and the Macadamia Crusted Grouper for Joelle. This duck at the Mai-Kai must be tasted to be believed - never have I enjoyed such a tender and juicy Peking Duck, not even in some of the better places in San Francisco's Chinatown that I've had the good fortune to visit. Mara Amu's with souvenier mugs (as always), followed by the Mai-Kai Mai-Tai and I was in great form. Timing was perfect, and we finished up just as the show was preparing to kick off.

Another good thing is that the Mystery Drink Girl only went by about 3 times ... good, because ever since my birthday party at the Mai-Kai in August, Christina hisses at her whenever she gets too close. It seems that the little peck on the cheek when she lei'd me constitutes a serious breach of propriety as far as my loving daughter is concerned :)

This was only the second night for the new show for this coming year and believe me, it is spectacular! The performers had incredible energy and the new costumes that I saw (they haven't gotten all the new costumes in yet) were absolutely beautiful. We sat in the Hawaii section right next to the entrance which is pretty much right on the front right corner facing the stage, so the seating couldn't have been better. Christina's favorite, the fire dancers, had a couple of new tricks that were truly impressive - I won't give it away, but you've got to see how the second dancer lights the other end of his torch - Wow!

After the show we took a walk thru the restaurant to have a look at the puffer fish - Christina knows it'll end up as a lamp eventually, so she always wants to check on it - and out to the gardens. Beautiful evening, tiki torches burning, soft Hawaiian music and the sound of running water, combined with the heady smell of fresh Coconut Shrimp ... who could ask for more? On the way back in, back behind the stage, I saw a tiki that I hadn't seen before (I always see one that I've never seen before and they've all been there forever). This one was just inside the door from the garden, on the right hand side, a lighter brown than most of the others. Beautiful - people think I'm nuts, down on my knees checking out the details (so what).

Afterwards, on to the gift shop where I picked up a Squid Mug that I hadn't seen before, as well as an autographed copy of Tiki Quest by Duke Carter (Aloha from the Mai-Kai!) ... I wanted to buy this book sooner but I'm so glad I waited! This is an amazing work with one of the most thorough presentations anywhere of every variety of mug you could imagine. As Amazon.com says "Beautifully designed and lavishly illustrated with over 1000 photos filling nearly 200 pages, Tiki Quest is a must-have for Tiki enthusiasts whether they have been a collector for a long time or if they have just had their first Scorpion.

We spent a long time talking to the ladies in the gift shop, and eventually - sadly - it was time to go. Oh well. The evening was great and set me back ... let me see ... OH MY GAWD!

Well, it's just money, and as they say, we pass this way only once (mind you, I can barely say it let alone write it after the Mai-Tai's!) May those who cherish their money that much be buried with it - for my part it's only good for the happiness it can bring in this life. Times like this are few, and we are the fortunate who have not only the means to experience such a wonderful evening, but loved one's to share it with.

As long as I'm on the Mai-Kai, here are a couple of images ...

Mai-Kai Postcard and Matchbooks
Christmas Card that the Mai-Kai sent me

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Friday, December 12, 2003 10:30 AM
Hawaii Postcard - mention of Pearl Harbor "bombs"

Actually, I had put this in yesterday, but I'm revising it today since I found a second postcard in the scrapbook that goes with the first and makes it all a bit more interesting. It still isn't much, but as I said, it somehow brings history home to me.

Hawaii Postcards mentioning Pearl Harbor "bombs"

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Thursday, December 11, 2003 3:40 PM
Herman Melville and the South Seas

There can be no argument that the works of Herman Melville have played a definitive role in shaping subsequent generations images of Polynesia and the South Seas. The two works Typee and Omoo are semi-autobiographical in nature, recounting in colorful detail some of Melville's own adventures in the South Seas. Taken as a whole, the early literary and artistic works of this era (Melville, Ballantyne, Gauguin) contain the seeds of a tree that was shaped and embellished over the course of the next century and a half, by men and women who in common have sought a Paradise on Earth that in fact, never existed.

It is known that when Captain James Cook arrived in Hawaii in 1778 there were, depending on the various estimates available, between 300,000 and 400,000 kanaka maoli, native Hawaiians. Over the course of the next century the native Hawaiian population dropped between 80-90%. This decline was due, in large part, to the diseases introduced by contact with foreigners. These diseases included venereal disease, small pox, measles, whooping cough and influenza. By 1878, the native population was estimated to be between 40,000 and 50,000 people. Over the last one hundred and twenty years, the numbers of pure Hawaiians, those with only Hawaiian blood, have continued to decline. The pure Hawaiian is a dying race; today, there are less than 8,000 pure Hawaiians alive.

In reality, by the time Melville, Gauguin and others with artistic sensibilities reached Polynesia in the mid-1800's, the region was already tainted by colonialism, and native peoples and cultures were clearly in decline.

Such is the burden of history - in seeking paradise, we destroy it.

As I said yesterday, when I read I prefer the feel of paper in my hands. However, I commend Project Gutenberg for the tremendous work they have done, and continue to do in bringing fine literary works to a much wider audience. For those who would like to read Melville online - or download it for themselves, I've included links to some of his works that are here on my site below.

Read Typee (text version)
Download Typee (.zip version)
Download Moby Dick (.zip version)

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Wednesday, December 10, 2003 10:18 PM
The Great Grandaddy of all South Seas Adventures

The Coral Island, written in 1858 by Scottish author R.M. Ballantyne (1825-1894) is truly the Great Grandfather of all of the South Seas Adventures. Robert Louis Stevenson acknowledged this work as the formative influence of his own love of the South Seas.

"For many months after this we continued to live on our island in uninterrupted harmony and happiness. Sometimes we went out afishing in the lagoon, and sometimes went ahunting in the woods, or ascended to the mountain-top, by way of variety, although Peterkin always asserted that we went for the purpose of hailing any ship that might chance to heave in sight. But I am certain that none of us wished to be delivered from our captivity, for we were extremely happy, and Peterkin used to say that as we were very young we should not feel the loss of a year or two." (from The Coral Island, abridged edition)

R.M. Ballantyne, the son of a newspaper editor was born in Edinburgh. He had an excellent education, both private and at Edinburgh Academy (1835-37). A series of bad investments eventually led to the downfall of his family, and having a thirst for adventure and little to lose, Ballantyne took a position with the Hudson Bay Company in Canada between the ages of 16 and 22, trading with local Indians in remote areas.

Shortly after returning to Scotland he began writing of his adventures in Canada, and he went on to write over 80 books, most appealing to the lust for adventure in young men of his time - the most memorable and long lasting of these being The Coral Island. The story itself is improbable, and contains glaring factual errors that a more mature work would probably avoid; however, on the whole, it stands to this day as one of the greatest stories of its genre, and is a must-read for anyone who enjoys an adventure packed South Seas adventure.

Personally, when I read I prefer the feel of paper in my hands (even if the eyes aren't quite as easy to get focused as they once were). However, I would like to praise Project Gutenberg for the tremendous work they have done, and continue to do in bringing works such as The Coral Island to a much wider audience. For those who would like to read the work online - or download it for themselves, I've included a link to the complete work here on my site below.

Read The Coral Island (text version)
Download The Coral Island (.zip version)

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Tuesday, December 9, 2003 11:30 PM
Shipwreck?!? No thanks, I've already had one ...

Almost without exception, avid writers (whether published or no) are avid readers. This is always good, but the very best writers have not only a love of the written word, but real experience with those subjects that they write about. Such is the case with many of the books that I've listed on this site, a few of which I'd like to talk about here - and yes, there IS a point to this other than to sell you a book ...

I enjoy writing, and while I can claim no major published works, this is more from a want of great effort on my part than a lack of productivity. Returning to the original premise, I am also an avid reader and, at least in the case of my fictional Excerpts from journal found in an abandoned longboat, I DO have some real-life experience when it comes to shipwreck. Though perhaps not so traumatic as it might have been (like they say, everything is cool once you realize you can live through it), the shipwreck was very real, very perilous, and very intense. So, if you're interested, just hang here for a few days as I list a few of my favorite works, and get to the part that I'm working towards which is my real-life experience of a shipwreck.

The first book that I really love is Mutiny on the Bounty, by William Bligh and Edward Christian. For those not familiar with the story, Amazon.com describes the work as follows:

The names William Bligh, Fletcher Christian, and the Bounty have excited the popular imagination for more than two hundred years. The story of this famous mutiny has many beginnings and many endings but they all intersect on an April morning in 1789 near the island known today as Tonga. That morning, William Bligh and eighteen surly seamen were expelled from the Bounty and began what would be the greatest open-boat voyage in history, sailing some 4,000 miles to safety in Timor. The mutineers led by Fletcher Christian sailed off into a mystery that has never been entirely resolved.

The first author, William Bligh (1754-1817), was an English admiral and master of the H.M.S. Bounty, and the other, Edward Christian (1758-1823) was the elder brother of Fletcher Christian, leader of the revolt. Here we have a narrative written by men who were certainlay scholarly and literate, but who also had real-life experience - Bligh having been tossed out of the ship, and Christian who corresponded with Bligh and fought a court battle to clear his brother's name.

Next, is R.M. Ballantyne's The Coral Island, which I'll try to talk about tomorrow.

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Tuesday, December 9, 2003 12:31 AM
Excerpts from journal found in an abandoned longboat

Well, Dallas is just about like I figured it would be ... anyway, here is another excerpt from the journal. Enjoy.

Day 3: Having found writing implements, I am resolved to begin a journal as is the custom of the sea. I am the Captain of my vessel, though wish to God it were not so. I begin at day three making my best reckoning but for the storm which has placed me here upon the open sea, and having only the Frenchman whom I know as Bertrand as a companion - though I think he will not be with me for very much longer. Of the date I am not certain, only I know that having taken many whales, our ship the Diana set east from Australia on the 12th day of November and ran upon a storm. Such was the fury of the wind and sea that I cannot tell whether we were driven for two days or more having but little sun and no regular meals. At one time it seemd the tempest had begun to abate and many crew were on deck checking lashings and making such small repairs as were possible, when we heard a great roar as of a thunderclap and the Diana listed hard to port. On deck I saw some of the men washed into the sea and knew they were lost. By God's good grace I was tangled in a rope and did not fall into the sea. As I struggled to free myself, I heard Israel call out and saw him come onto the deck dragging some bags and with a small water keg beneath his arm. I called out to him but he could not hear me above the wind and sea, but I saw him speak to the Frenchman and a man named Andrew who I knew was also from New Bedford. They set to freeing a longboat, and I saw Israel drop the bag and keg into the boat and begin to cut the lashings and I knew they would escape the Diana which was surely holed upon a reef and sinking. When at last I freed myself, I made to help them when again the ship listed much harder and there was a sound of splintering timbers. I saw part of the mast fall upon the Frenchman and then another wave larger than the first cast me over the rail into the bosom of the sea. I despaired of my life as I struggled to reach the air and felt my lungs burning inside of me and then I struck my head upon something hard and again was pushed beneath the waves. Reaching up, my hand met a rope and thinking someone on the ship had thrown to me, I held and pulled myself to the surface. I did not see the Diana as I had thought, only a rope that trailed from a longboat half sunk and being tossed violently in the stormy seas. After many tries I pulled myself into the boat almost capsizing as I fell inside, and to my surprise found the Frenchman tied inside the boat, still living but unconscious and his head only a little above the water. I pulled him higher on the gunnel, and finding the bucket still on its rope began to bail. At first it seemd that for every bucket two more came into the boat, and I was sure that soon I would be in the sea again with no hope for salvation, but after a long time when I was near to exhaustion, the water began to lessen - helped in some part by a decrease in the tempest. I was filled with new strength and after I was able to see that the hull was sound and not holed as I had begun to fear I had not the strength to continue, and believe that I collapsed in a faint.

I awoke in a darkness so black that first I thought I must be dead. But soon I felt the boat rolling upon the waves and knew that I lived. Again the boat had taken much water and I bailed this time clearing the water quickly and saw that no more was coming in. I checked the Frenchman and he was still breathing, though this was the only sign that he lived. I lay in the darkness for a long time praying for deliverance and then I must have slept again. When next I woke I saw the sky growing light until at last I could see a clear horizon. In the light of day I checked the Frenchman and found that both his legs are badly crushed and he has a deep wound on the side of his head, but not bleeding now. I opened one of two kegs that were in the netting of the boat and drank deeply before thinking that I need be frugal with the water. The water was very briny and tasted bad, but I hope not spoilt. I tried to make the Frenchman drink but seeing that he did not swallow and fearing to drown him I only was able to wet his lips and mouth. Later in the day, there were many clouds still in the sky, but it began to grow very hot so I tied the tarp to provide a small shade where the Frenchman lay, and because the spot was small I lay next to him to hide from the sun. As I write this, it is evening and the sea is greatly calmed. By the sun, I make our drift to the northeast, and I pray that soon there may be some land nearby that will provide victuals and sweet water. May it be that one day I am home beside my fire with my bowl and I may read these words to my children, though I know there is little reason to hope. God help me.

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Sunday, December 7, 2003 7:44 PM
Pearl Harbor Day

Just a note of interest if anyone is actually reading this; about a year ago I purchased an old scrapbook on eBay and found a Postcard from Hawaii that was sent just a short time after the attack on Pearl Harbor, and which mentions the bombing. I'll get an image and post it after I get back from Dallas on Wednesday. It isn't much really, but it was a surprise.

Today, I thought I'd post something written a while back (or part of something written a while back), and if there's any interest, perhaps I'll go ahead and post the whole thing. Anyway, enjoy!

Excerpts from journal found in an abandoned longboat

Day 14. Today I have opened the last small keg of water. Like the last it is briny though not so bad as the first - or perhaps I grow used to the flavor after these many days. Last night my heart rejoiced and I gave thanks to the Lord when I first heard breaking waves and determined that there must be some island nearby. Using the oar that is left to me I made effort to scull nearer the direction from whence the sound came and in time I saw fire upon a shore only some small distance away. I used the glass which I had found in the bag, and which is in some manner damaged, but still I was able to make out many savages in some groups here and there scattered about - also several smaller fires that I had not at first seen. I could not but remember the tale of Israel - God rest him - on the ship who said that the natives of these parts were cannibal and frequently made war on neighboring islands. I know not whether this was some war party or if this were the custom of savages to sleep upon the beach, but I determined that I must not come nearer the shore lest I be seen. Through a great effort and the good grace of God, I managed to make some distance from the shore where it seems a current has begun to move the boat faster to the east. Today, just after the sun passed zenith I saw many large sharks swimming quite near the boat. One at least was half again the length of the boat, and I was filled with fear as they set to circle the boat but soon enough they left and I have seen them not since. Of those scant items that I managed to pull into the boat, I most regret that I have no harpoon. I write this by night since there are many stars and a large moon. I begin to hunger since finishing the provisions and without the help of our Lord I fear I have not many days left on this earth. God help me, and forgive my sins.

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Saturday, December 6, 2003 5:03 PM
Adrift in the Sundra Straits

I promised myself that I would not whine on these pages ... but some days are harder than others as we all know. Things just going along swimmingly, then something goes haywire. With me, it's usually my work. Not THIS work (I don't make enough to fund the site here let alone feed my family), I mean the "real world job". I work for one of those sort of companies that has taken to abusing it's employees in these hard economic times seemingly just because they can. It isn't my boss, he's great. I'm talking higher up ... sometimes it's easy to understand why Gauguin turned his back on civilization; things haven't changed one bit in more than a century since he left France for Tahiti.

It isn't as if there are NO good things about my company - actually most of it is good. The downside (and what I'm depressed over) is that they call me at a quarter to five on Friday to tell me that I have to be in Dallas on Monday morning. It isn't that I mind going to Dallas (other than that it's in Texas), it's just that I don't have time to get into a frame of mind to go to Dallas.

Oh well; just gotta stay focused on the positive stuff. Like when they send me to our company headquarters in Munich every so often. I hate the flight, but Munich is a pretty cool town with an active Tiki Culture, and some of the friendliest natives anywhere. They even have a Trader Vic's that I try to visit while I'm there, but I must confess that my favorite thing whenever I go is to hit the Hofbräuhaus with some of my colleagues. Now I can't pretend to be able to keep up with my German counterparts, but I generally do well enough. My friends usually have a hard time getting up the next day, but I guess I'm fortunate in that no matter how much I drink, I've never experienced a hangover (honest)!

Beyond work, I just got an update message on Hukilau 2004 - yet ANOTHER great reason to go on living! Hukilau 2004 will be the third time for the event, and it is looking like it'll be here in Fort Lauderdale at the Mai-Kai again! Last year we had a blast! My wife, her cousin and I went to the party on Friday nite, and stayed out way too late ... then I took 8 people to the Mai-Kai for the first show on Saturday. This was a truly amazing event. My daughter Christina, who is in love with the Mai-Kai, had a great time dancing to the tunes of King Kukulele in the Molokai Lounge before the Dinner Show.

Finally, I got a Christmas Card on Friday from Mireille, Kulani, Dave, and the Mai-Kai Staff. It is a preprinted card, but it is hand signed by Dave. I thought that this was really nice of them, since they are obviously making an effort to stay in touch with those of us who keep their rum stock fresh!

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Friday, December 5, 2003 12:23 AM
The Ultimate Mai-Tai

This evening, I decided to celebrate the fact that Hilo Hattie's approved our affiliate application by mixing up a couple of Mai-Tai's (now THERE's a shock - right?) I'm going to make a conservative guess that I've mixed something on the order of several thousands of Mai-Tai's over the last couple of years in a quest for the ultimate Mai-Tai. My ideal was something on the order of the late beloved Douglas Adams's Pan-Galactic-Gargle-Blaster, wherein the effect of drinking one was like having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped 'round a large gold brick.

I've used a number of recipes from a wide variety of sources, and at long last I firmly believe I've struck upon the perfect blend ... I ask myself if I should share this secret with the world, or should I take it with me to my grave like the inconsiderate gentleman who built the Coral Castle? Well, I suppose, in the true spirit of the Islands (pick your favorite one), I'll reveal what I've learned through a systematic process of ingredient substitution and libation.

First, if you have any interest in this at all, you'll probably be aware that there are any number of Mai-Tai recipes claiming to be the "original" Victor Bergeron cocktail. If only half of these claims were true, it would seem that Trader Vic had invented something on the order of several hundereds of different drinks based on the same basic ingredients, each of which is distinct in it's own way. The "Mai-Tai" recipes I've sampled range from the syrupy sweet to the bitter. Some have been good, but others were almost totally undrinkable - or even vaguely recognizable as Mai-Tai's.

Sadly, I must confess that I'm too young to have drunk from the original fountain as it were, so I'm basing my recipe on a sort of median drawn from many different recipes. I am also basing my assessment on the flavors of Mai-Tai's as served in some of the best and most reputable Polynesian Pleasure Palaces that I've had the good fortune to frequent - not least of these being the Mai-Kai which is only 20 minutes from my front door (eat your heart out!) With this said, I think the best starting point is Jennifer Trainer Thompson's excellent work, The Great Tiki Drink Book, which I personally believe provides the best representation of the original Mai-Tai as created by Trader Vic way back in 1944.

Of couse, if you're a true connoisseur of elegant cocktails, you'll recognize that having the proper ingredients and measures is important, but of equal import is the BRAND of each ingredient. I generally use the recipe in the book with one very minor modification as per the following instructions. For the ingredients, I use Meyers Dark Rum, Bacardi Gold Rum, Hiram Walker Orange Curacao, Angostura Bitters, and Torani Orgeat Syrup. Trust me - this latter ingredient makes ALL the difference; I've tried four different Orgeat's so I know. I use the quantities indicated in the Thompson work, with one minor exception - I add a full three-quarters ounce of Orgeat instead of the indicated half ounce in her recipe. This could be to compensate for the fact that they dust the Mai-Kai Mai-Tai's with powdered sugar, and I've developed a taste for a bit more sweetness than originally intended. Finally, it is to be stressed that the fresh mint garnish, along with the pineapple wedge and marischino DO add a subtle flavor to the drink after it's been poured, so don't neglect these by any means! As for the ice, I generally use large cubes (spring water only) with my ice-crusher attachment on the trusty Oster Beehive Blender. This attachment shatters the cubes into fragments of every size, ensuring that there are enough small pieces to cool the drink immediately in the shaker, but enough medium and large fragments to keep the drink cool and flavorful to the last drop.

Beyond this, there are three variations that I've tried that I find to be extremely pleasing, and which can add some variety to the original drink if so desired. The first variation is simply to add two medium mint leaves to the shaker before mixing the drink; this adds a nice minty aftertaste to each sip. The second variation is to skip the bitters, and add a quarter-teaspoon of Pernod to the shaker just before mixing. Similar to the mint leaves, this provides just a hint of licorice on the aftertaste. Finally, in a radical move, I replaced the Orange Curacao (blasphemy!) with Extase Liqueur d'Orange, and reduced the Orgeat to the quarter ounce indicated in the recipe. The Extase is made with Cognac XO, and quite aside from giving the drink more of a citrus kick, slightly boosts the horsepower of the final drink.

Anyway, that's it ... if you have any questions, or if you have a problem finding the indicated ingredients, drop me a line, and I'll try to point you in the right direction. All of the ingredients that may be tough to find locally are available on the web, and are worth the cost of shipping to obtain.

Thanks for visiting, and as always, if you're so inclined, please click the links on this site, since they help keep me online!

Thursday, December 4, 2003 12:30 AM
The Curse of the Moai

Yesterday, I started my evening looking at some pictures of a friend's visit to a local tourist attraction we have down here in South Florida, called the Coral Castle. I've been over there a couple of times and have to say it really is some sort of engineering feat. The man who built it figured that he had discovered the secret of the pyramid builders; by inference I'm assuming that the Moai, those towering stone heads of Rapa Nui (Easter Island) were probably moved around in the same manner. Sadly, this engineering genius saw fit to depart this world without passing on the secret of how he moved these megaliths around all by himself ... it just sorta figures doesn't it.

Anyway, about this time I was mixing up my first Mai-Tai, and just sort of musing over how this thing might have been accomplished. There's a lot of coral rock down here, and I have some boulders in my yard that could do with moving. I put on some Martin Denny, and just kicked back looking at the pictures again. Well, I went through the first Mai-Tai, and got started on another, and I began to get these pictures in my mind about how you could move one of the boulders in my yard. I mean, the guy who built Coral Castle worked it out, why shouldn't I be able to?

Towards the end of my second Mai-Tai, I started to get a little wound up on this, so I swapped out Martin Denny for Los Straitjackets, and began to apply some serious brainpower to the problem at hand. It was about this time that I had an idea for a short story that I'll post here once it's finished. It's called The Curse of the Moai and involves just that idea ... a guy who figures it out and puts his discovery into action - with tragic and unpredictable results. It should be good fun.

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